I have one question: Why?

So I was looking around IOL and just reading news that wasn’t going to tick me off and get a rant going when I came across this gem:

Education MEC Cameron Dugmore warned parents on Wednesday that they faced fines of up to R5 000 if they failed to ensure that their children remained at school until the school year ends on Friday.

Dugmore also warned principals who failed to ensure that pupils pitched up for classes that they would be penalised under the Employment of Educators Act and the Western Cape Schools Act.

I’m thinking this guy might not have kids, especially teenagers. I know when I wanted to bunk I came up with all sorts of ways to do it, especially in that last week of school when all we were doing was either watching movies, playing random games or just shutting up while our teacher read her book. Fining the parents is a bit harsh though, considering how many kids bunk without their parents knowing, a better solution would be to keep the kid in for a week for every day he bunks, that way everyone wins – parents don’t have the kids piling up the houses and the kids most likely won’t do it if they’re getting less holiday time. Fining principals too though? What the hell are they going to do to ensure pupils pitch up? Ride around to every students house and pick them up? It’s all a bit nonsensical to me. Although this is assuming they aren’t some weird ass principal who told the kids to stay home, then you can fine him (while the kids worship him as a hero). God only knows what this guy is trying to achieve…I mean besides fining a bunch of parents for something completely stupid just to get what could turn out to be an ass load of cash…because this isn’t exactly a solution that will work well to this bunking problem.

A werewolf eating pizza walked into a penis museum…

When it comes to Exclusive Books, I go straight to the Fantasy section to see if there’s that one darn Terry Pratchett I’m missing, then to Fiction for any of the Dean Koontz books I still don’t have and then I end up in their tiny little humour section. We’ve managed to find a couple of damn good pointless toilet reading books in this section, because, sometimes you actually just need a good book or magazine in the toilet.

One of the winners is “What’s what, the encyclopedia of pointless information”, it’s amazing the crap I have learnt but didn’t need to know from it. In the spirit of this, welcome to my day of pointless information!

- The first elastic bands were patented by Stephen Perry & Co. of London on 17 March 1845

- According to the Roman poet and philosopher Lucretius, a centaur is impossible since horse and man live to different ages, so one half would be dead when the other was still in its prime.

- Between 1520 and 1630, some 30,000 people were reported to the French authorities for being werewolves.

- According to NASA, the items most missed by astronauts on space missions are pizza, ice cream and fizzy drinks.

and then

- The average size of an erect penis is only 5in (12.8cm), which is significantly smaller than most men believe.
An Italian study in 2002 discovered that, of 67 men seeking enlargement operations, all had penises well within the normal size range.
The most common causes of injury to the penis are ritual circumcision, animal attacks, bicycle accidents (another reason not to be a wanker cyclist) and zipper injuries.

And if you go to www.phallus.is you can view the website of the world’s only museum of penises. I shit you not, someone in Iceland opened up a Phallological Museum.

After giving people a link to a penis museum there really isn’t anything left to say.

Waking up to Sony worship

I’m starting to think I may be a Sony fangirl. It’s a sad sad day. I mean, I knew I had an obsession with gadgets and getting any new cool toy that came out, but I think I may have crossed over.

On Sunday the Bull and I bought ourselves and early Christmas present – a playstation 3. We probably bankrupted ourselves doing so but hey, new toy! Thank god we stay away from credit cards or we would be really screwed.
Anyway, it wasn’t till yesterday when we were setting it up that I may have a problem, you see, it’s new home is next to our PS2. Thank god my PSP can fit into a drawer otherwise people might see all three in the same room and realise I have issues.

Thinking about this though, it feels somewhat like a betrayal towards Nintendo. I grew up playing super nintendo and only super nintendo. I would probably still be playing it today if it hadn’t finally packed in, because my friends, nothing beats the old SNES games. I don’t care how far graphics progress etc, Mario still kicks ass.

So of course when deciding on which game system it was I was going to buy this Christmas, it was an absolute dilemma. Buy the Wii and stay true to my old school roots or go with the PS3 because the PS1 and PS2 served me damn well and in the long run, there’s probably more games on the playstation I’ll play. As you can see which one I opted for. I think it came down to my mother saying how cool the Wii was, that really put a dampener on things. Well, that and the Wii doesn’t have Singstar which is absolutely essential for when I’m drunk and disorderly. This Cow can really belt out Meatloaf after a few glasses of wine.

Don’t even mention Xbox to me, it was never an option.

I will say this though, it’s totally worth the price we paid for it and I am very happy with my new toy. I’m sure the Bull is happy too since I was too preoccupied with playing Need for Speed last night he got to have burgers for dinner instead of the result of me pretending to be a chef. Yes, burgers, we’re cannibals.

All in all there’s lessons to be learnt here:

1. You can distract this cow with shiny things.

2. If you have a somewhat geeky girlfriend that can’t cook, a PS3 will solve your problem.

Things that lead to my road rage. Part 1.

I hate cyclists. I loathe them with a passion.

I know this isn’t fair since there are decent ones out there and it’s just the minority that has led to my hatred but I honestly don’t care anymore.
It’s the complete and utter arrogance and rudeness of the bastards that irritate me. They go through red robots because they don’t want to go to the trouble of undoing their silly little cycling shoes from their silly little cycling pedals. They ride abreast and take up half of the road so you have to swerve past them or sit behind them whilst there’s oncoming traffic. And I think what irritates me most is the bloody lycra clothing. Some men should not be seen in any form of tight fitting stretchy clothing.

The worst part is is that when they do go through a red robot and get in your bloody way, the fucker will have the cheek to swear or pull signs at you, which is the point where I wish I could mow him down with my pathetic little car.
If any of you watch the series “My Family”, you may have seen the episode where Ben goes on a warpath against cyclists, it was truly an episode I cheered along to.

So, I have a couple of requests for this minority of small minded, selfish, grape smuggling pillocks:

1. The road rules apply to cyclists as well as motorists. Remember that and I won’t almost hit you and I won’t call you a wanker.

2. I don’t care if you want to have a conversation whilst taking a lovely little ride over Constantia Nek or through Hout Bay with your darling friend, the roads are narrow enough as it is and by riding next to eachother you’re really just being a selfish twat.

That is all. Thank you.